Years ago, I had a friend that was paralyzed from the waist down. Sexy Denver folks will remember Pam, as she was a meteorologist on Channel 7, and one of the nicest people on TV...she told me the story of her horseback riding accident that left her paralyzed, and how she knew, as she lay on the cold ground in Iowa, waiting for someone to come find her, that she was paralyzed. She said that she just kept repeating Romans 8: 28 over and over to keep herself calm. Romans 8:28 is the verse that says "and we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose."
Now, just between you and me, I really do not fully understand that verse or have a clear explanation of it, but it has always stuck with me, because I know that Pam was telling the truth and that the reason Pam was the way she was in this life was because Pam believed it, and Pam was good. And even though I am not a Bible scholar, I do know this, that book of Romans has a lot of verses that are a little bit mysterious, to me, on this journey. And it still a mystery to me why a good person like Pam, who had a great life, despite being paralyzed, died way too soon, leaving behind a husband and children.
But, in the end, I still think the overwhelming truth is that her life was good.
I think this is on my mind today because I always think of Pam when I hear that verse or when someone talks about something being used for good...something that "at the end of the day" is good, even though it was not always easy to see that way...and maybe the day that we can see, clearly, what the truth is, is a long time coming.
This week I was telling a friend that my two older kiddos have a very clear and vivid memory of the events of September 11th and probably do not remember much about how the world was before September 11th. Both of them have always lived in a world of terrorists, endless wars and conspiracy theories. Though my youngest lives in this same world, she does not remember the horror of that day and is still too young to fully understand. But she will understand soon enough.
My friend said "Maybe that is why they are the best kids I know. Maybe that is why they are living life with so little fear. Maybe that is why they have a clue at 18 and 20 about what really matters."
I don't know if he is right, but what he said did make me think about a lot of things having to do with September 11th and August 28 (8:28) and tomorrow....
Be good. See good.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
On being Psychic, a Smart Ass, and a Fan
Al: My family wants your mailing address so that they can invite you to all the family functions.
Me: That is fine, but don't feel like you have to ever invite me to anything.
Al: No, I told them they have to invite you and Mark to every thing they have. Weddings, graduations, quincineras...you name it...
Me: No, they don't have to do that.
Al: These are not just your run of the mill Mexican parties, I hope you know.
Me: HAHAHHAA. I am not worried about that, but I am just saying, not in a very good way, that I am honored to be invited to any family parties, but I do not feel like they have to do that...none of you are obligated to me in any way shape or form. Besides, I like the whole run of the mill Mexican party. .
Al: But you are my sister now.
Me: I know you feel that way but your family does not have to do what you say, nor do they have to feel the same way you do.
Al: But they do feel like they want you to be around. Hell, they felt that way from Day One! Well, not really. Not all of them. Some of them did though! They don't know what they feel. They need me to tell them, this is how it is!
Me: Well, no matter what, it is okay to give them my contact information, certainly, and they can do what they want, and you should not hassle them about it, either way. You should not be in the business of telling people how to feel. And I will tell them, myself, that I am honored to know them but they should not feel like they are obligated to invite me to anything.
Al: How come you are so bossy?
Me: I am a bossy girl.
Al: Now I sort of am, too.
Me: No, you are not a bossy girl!
Al: I am part bossy girl. That one bossy kidney makes the rest of my body say, "Damn, what happened around here?" It bosses the whole body around.
Me: Okay, goof ball. I would love to go to any weddings, quincineras etc.
Al: These are not your run of the mill Mexican weddings and quincineras.
Me: STOP IT.
Al: I am making a new suncatcher.
Me: Yes, black and silver, because of the Raiders.
Al: Did I already tell you this?
Me: No, but I can sort of picture it when you were talking about it. I can do this same trick with other people, so don't feel too special about it.
Al: How did you know it was because of the Raiders?
Me: Because. Black and silver, duh.
Al: Guess what else I am doing? I am going to sell T-shirts at the park here, during a concert.
Me: This has something to do with the Raiders, too, I think, doesn't it?.
Al: YEP! It does. Guess what?
Me: You are selling Raiders T-shirts?
Al: Nope, but that is what I am getting paid in.
Me: Ah ha! I want a Jim Plunkett T-shirt too.
Al: How do you know that is what I am getting?
Me: I JUST DO!!!
Al: I am not going to tell you anything.
Me: You don't have to tell me nothing. I want a Jim Plunkett T-shirt, though, kind of ....are you really getting some? At least two?
Al: You don't like the Raiders but you like Jim Plunkett?
Me: Yep.
Al: I bet I know why....because when he was a baby, his parents put him in an orange crate!
Me: Yep. You got me.
Al: Okay, I guess you will be the only run of the mill white person with a Plunkett jersey.
Me: HURRAY!!!
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Me: That is fine, but don't feel like you have to ever invite me to anything.
Al: No, I told them they have to invite you and Mark to every thing they have. Weddings, graduations, quincineras...you name it...
Me: No, they don't have to do that.
Al: These are not just your run of the mill Mexican parties, I hope you know.
Me: HAHAHHAA. I am not worried about that, but I am just saying, not in a very good way, that I am honored to be invited to any family parties, but I do not feel like they have to do that...none of you are obligated to me in any way shape or form. Besides, I like the whole run of the mill Mexican party. .
Al: But you are my sister now.
Me: I know you feel that way but your family does not have to do what you say, nor do they have to feel the same way you do.
Al: But they do feel like they want you to be around. Hell, they felt that way from Day One! Well, not really. Not all of them. Some of them did though! They don't know what they feel. They need me to tell them, this is how it is!
Me: Well, no matter what, it is okay to give them my contact information, certainly, and they can do what they want, and you should not hassle them about it, either way. You should not be in the business of telling people how to feel. And I will tell them, myself, that I am honored to know them but they should not feel like they are obligated to invite me to anything.
Al: How come you are so bossy?
Me: I am a bossy girl.
Al: Now I sort of am, too.
Me: No, you are not a bossy girl!
Al: I am part bossy girl. That one bossy kidney makes the rest of my body say, "Damn, what happened around here?" It bosses the whole body around.
Me: Okay, goof ball. I would love to go to any weddings, quincineras etc.
Al: These are not your run of the mill Mexican weddings and quincineras.
Me: STOP IT.
Al: I am making a new suncatcher.
Me: Yes, black and silver, because of the Raiders.
Al: Did I already tell you this?
Me: No, but I can sort of picture it when you were talking about it. I can do this same trick with other people, so don't feel too special about it.
Al: How did you know it was because of the Raiders?
Me: Because. Black and silver, duh.
Al: Guess what else I am doing? I am going to sell T-shirts at the park here, during a concert.
Me: This has something to do with the Raiders, too, I think, doesn't it?.
Al: YEP! It does. Guess what?
Me: You are selling Raiders T-shirts?
Al: Nope, but that is what I am getting paid in.
Me: Ah ha! I want a Jim Plunkett T-shirt too.
Al: How do you know that is what I am getting?
Me: I JUST DO!!!
Al: I am not going to tell you anything.
Me: You don't have to tell me nothing. I want a Jim Plunkett T-shirt, though, kind of ....are you really getting some? At least two?
Al: You don't like the Raiders but you like Jim Plunkett?
Me: Yep.
Al: I bet I know why....because when he was a baby, his parents put him in an orange crate!
Me: Yep. You got me.
Al: Okay, I guess you will be the only run of the mill white person with a Plunkett jersey.
Me: HURRAY!!!
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Kidneys, Beauty Tips and Other Stuff
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| This little truck is in the Sundance catalog and I love it for many reasons but mainly because my daughter Blake has a pick up truck and she loves peace signs and little lambs. |
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| Boo likes to snooze on the couch in my study |
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| Siucra wants everyone to squeeze her feet and pat her belly |
Saturday, March 19, 2011
6 Weeks Post Op, Baby!
It has been 6 weeks since the surgery, plus or minus two weeks, (sorry for no updates sooner) and all is well. Physically, that is. No pain, no weird stuff, just getting better and better. I feel pretty much the same as I did before the surgery, except better, and I cannot really explain that except that I think my new job is easier on the soul, which has nothing to do with the surgery.
Albert has had a little post-op depression. There is lots of information out there that "they" really do not know why some people feel depressed after a transplant, sometimes donors, sometimes recipients, and I think the transplant drugs are probably part of the problem, in the recipient case. In Albert's case, The Whole Big Change is a difficult adjustment.
Intellectually, he totally gets it. As in he gets that his Job Used to Be to go to Dialysis and Now He Does Not Have a Job. He was great at making it to dialysis, and he always thought, if he kept going to dialysis, and do a Great Job Showing Up, He would Get a Kidney! Now that he has a kidney, he has to change his focus. Now it is about what he can do and not so much about what he cannot do.
He also mentions how the whole transplant is not just fun and games, as in he has to eat a lot more, pee a lot more and drink a lot more. Tongue in cheek aside, it is a huge lifestyle change and it is kind of depressing for him right now. For instance, every time we talk it's all about how he is Not Really Disabled Anymore, but he is still on disability. (I assure him he is Totally In His Rights to Be Getting Disability.) And how he wants to do all this stuff he could not do before (like go somewhere overnight, such as camping or hunting--he calls hunting "Knocking Down an Elk" which I love) and he does not really have anyone to do it with. Yet. So though he is a little sad and disappointed, he is clear that eventually people will realize he can do a lot of things he could not do before and his life will become busier.
He said to me the other day "In a way, I kind of miss being able to do nothing but watch TV, do Word Finds and not feel like I was missing out on anything." Hey, do the Word Finds, watch TV and be glad that you can do more, if you wanted to, but right now, you are just taking it easy. It is okay to take some time to adjust. It is okay to call friends and family and tell them what you want. Not everyone is a Mind Reader. Sometimes we have to tell people what is going on.
As for me, I have been in a Big Fat Hurry My Entire Life, so I was so ready to go back to work and to get back to normal. Though I have taken it a lot easier, for me, in the last 8 weeks, and I am enjoying it.
I have not felt depressed about the donation, though I know it is normal for donors to feel depressed or anxious. I am grateful for skipping that depressed and or anxious step in the process.
My body adjusted right away to one kidney. I have been taking lots of good vitamins, eating right, (sort of--I love nachos) and trying to rest.
There are lots of bigger things going on in my family and in my life, as well as in the whole big world! Good Lord! My brother lives in Japan, for instance!
The other day, a wonderful lady that I just love, though she is completely nuts and has feet of clay, like we all do, came to visit me at my office, right when I was hanging up with Albert, and I told her how he was a wee bit depressed and she said: "If I were him, I would be so grateful and so happy, that I would never, ever complain." (This is the woman that wants a man in her life more than anything and keeps meeting great guys that have little flaws, like being a bad skier, or in one case, the man was guilty of not wearing"cute" shoes.) Please. She knows better than anyone that change is scary!
Complaining is a good thing. I like complaining and complainers a lot, as long as they are honest about it. The honesty is the beauty of complaining, because you are saying, in effect, "I trust you enough to tell you the "bad" stuff." As long as we are honest, "authentic" and willing to change, there is nothing wrong with saying "This sucks". No one gets anywhere without doing that first step.
Sometimes you have to pull all the crap out of the closet, make a mess, bag it up, put back the good stuff, to go on and find the "cute" shoes you forgot about. Sometimes we have a hard time letting go of that polyester pant suit, but we will not miss it, once it is gone.
We have a right to pull it all out and sort it out with our friends and family. Not everyone can do it, but the people that can stroll thru the caca, can really help out. Try to be able to do both, straighten your own malarkey out and walk alongside your friends that are doing it. Can you get some big shit kickers for that duty?
Do not let anyone get bogged down, even if they like wallowing, and hold everyone accountable to making a positive result. Remind yourself when you are chest deep in the unholy stuff: "When I get through this mess, I will know how to help someone else get through this mess."
Albert already gets this. He says that if he can work again, he wants to be a counselor. You go, Al!
My eleven year old daughter's version of Numbers 6:24-26:
The Lord loves you and keeps you. He lets his face shine on you, now and forever, AMEN!!! (Say AMEN! akin to how you might say BLAST OFF!)
"May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord let His face shine upon you and be gracious to you.
May the Lord look kindly upon you and give you peace."
Peace to you, good friends. Love and keep each other.
Albert has had a little post-op depression. There is lots of information out there that "they" really do not know why some people feel depressed after a transplant, sometimes donors, sometimes recipients, and I think the transplant drugs are probably part of the problem, in the recipient case. In Albert's case, The Whole Big Change is a difficult adjustment.
Intellectually, he totally gets it. As in he gets that his Job Used to Be to go to Dialysis and Now He Does Not Have a Job. He was great at making it to dialysis, and he always thought, if he kept going to dialysis, and do a Great Job Showing Up, He would Get a Kidney! Now that he has a kidney, he has to change his focus. Now it is about what he can do and not so much about what he cannot do.
He also mentions how the whole transplant is not just fun and games, as in he has to eat a lot more, pee a lot more and drink a lot more. Tongue in cheek aside, it is a huge lifestyle change and it is kind of depressing for him right now. For instance, every time we talk it's all about how he is Not Really Disabled Anymore, but he is still on disability. (I assure him he is Totally In His Rights to Be Getting Disability.) And how he wants to do all this stuff he could not do before (like go somewhere overnight, such as camping or hunting--he calls hunting "Knocking Down an Elk" which I love) and he does not really have anyone to do it with. Yet. So though he is a little sad and disappointed, he is clear that eventually people will realize he can do a lot of things he could not do before and his life will become busier.
He said to me the other day "In a way, I kind of miss being able to do nothing but watch TV, do Word Finds and not feel like I was missing out on anything." Hey, do the Word Finds, watch TV and be glad that you can do more, if you wanted to, but right now, you are just taking it easy. It is okay to take some time to adjust. It is okay to call friends and family and tell them what you want. Not everyone is a Mind Reader. Sometimes we have to tell people what is going on.
As for me, I have been in a Big Fat Hurry My Entire Life, so I was so ready to go back to work and to get back to normal. Though I have taken it a lot easier, for me, in the last 8 weeks, and I am enjoying it.
I have not felt depressed about the donation, though I know it is normal for donors to feel depressed or anxious. I am grateful for skipping that depressed and or anxious step in the process.
My body adjusted right away to one kidney. I have been taking lots of good vitamins, eating right, (sort of--I love nachos) and trying to rest.
There are lots of bigger things going on in my family and in my life, as well as in the whole big world! Good Lord! My brother lives in Japan, for instance!
The other day, a wonderful lady that I just love, though she is completely nuts and has feet of clay, like we all do, came to visit me at my office, right when I was hanging up with Albert, and I told her how he was a wee bit depressed and she said: "If I were him, I would be so grateful and so happy, that I would never, ever complain." (This is the woman that wants a man in her life more than anything and keeps meeting great guys that have little flaws, like being a bad skier, or in one case, the man was guilty of not wearing"cute" shoes.) Please. She knows better than anyone that change is scary!
Complaining is a good thing. I like complaining and complainers a lot, as long as they are honest about it. The honesty is the beauty of complaining, because you are saying, in effect, "I trust you enough to tell you the "bad" stuff." As long as we are honest, "authentic" and willing to change, there is nothing wrong with saying "This sucks". No one gets anywhere without doing that first step.
Sometimes you have to pull all the crap out of the closet, make a mess, bag it up, put back the good stuff, to go on and find the "cute" shoes you forgot about. Sometimes we have a hard time letting go of that polyester pant suit, but we will not miss it, once it is gone.
We have a right to pull it all out and sort it out with our friends and family. Not everyone can do it, but the people that can stroll thru the caca, can really help out. Try to be able to do both, straighten your own malarkey out and walk alongside your friends that are doing it. Can you get some big shit kickers for that duty?
Do not let anyone get bogged down, even if they like wallowing, and hold everyone accountable to making a positive result. Remind yourself when you are chest deep in the unholy stuff: "When I get through this mess, I will know how to help someone else get through this mess."
Albert already gets this. He says that if he can work again, he wants to be a counselor. You go, Al!
My eleven year old daughter's version of Numbers 6:24-26:
The Lord loves you and keeps you. He lets his face shine on you, now and forever, AMEN!!! (Say AMEN! akin to how you might say BLAST OFF!)
"May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord let His face shine upon you and be gracious to you.
May the Lord look kindly upon you and give you peace."
Peace to you, good friends. Love and keep each other.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Al Stories
Al and Me in his little rental house in Denver--check out his T-shirt
Al went home last Saturday. His friends and family cleaned his place up and even bought him a new recliner. He says that he now has a big recliner and a little recliner. What about the "just right" recliner?
He is much happier at home. He sounds better and better. He wants us to come visit him. He likes to tease me about various things.
Team Porter, INDEED!
He really likes my husband Mark a lot. He and Mark have a lot in common. They both were the only boy in the family, that lost their dads when they were just becoming a man themselves....it is kind of interesting how that works in regards to the people who come into our lives. Al says that his own son told him that he likes Al a lot better (though he always loved him the same) now that he knows he is going to be around longer.
When I drive past the exit I used to take to go see him, I always wonder how he is doing back at his home, and many times I call. I know, it's only been a week, but I have called at least four times. He sometimes says "Howdy, Donor!" (He claims that he entered my name in his phone as "Donor".) He probably would stop saying that if I would stop laughing when he does!
This recliner is clearly Too Small
He likes to bake and he has been baking already. He gives most of it away, but he says that is the best part about baking, giving it away and having a cup of coffee with someone you like knowing.
Thanks for keeping Al in your thoughts and prayers. He is doing just fine.
What About the "New" Transplant Rules?
I am not an expert on this, but after reading several articles, I think I am understanding the situation.
The current system for the kidney transplant waiting list is first come, first serve. This basically means that whoever is waiting for a kidney the longest, gets the kidney that comes along first. This is specifically related to deceased donor kidneys.
The new system that is under proposal right now would modify that system, making decisions about how one gets a kidney based more on age and the expectations of post transplant survival. That means that some people waiting a long time may not get a kidney when a person waiting a short time may get the kidney.
With the current system, there have been cases where young people received an "older" kidney, so they had a transplant that did not last very long and ended up back in line, back on dialysis, when that older kidney went kaput too soon. Those people would have been better served waiting longer in the first place for a younger kidney that would work for them for a long time.
On the other hand, older people waiting a long time, may receive a young kidney, under the current system, even though they would have been equally well served by receiving a kidney from a much older person.
If I had a young person in my life that needed a kidney, I would be very upset if some older person received one before they did, but at the same time, it is important for older people to get that transplant too. An older recipient is someone over fifty. Many people over fifty have similar life situations to someone half their age, like kids at home, a career and so on and certainly have many years to continue living.
Remember, this recent news is about deceased donor kidneys. Living donors can benefit all different groups, and especially people within their age range. It does not bother me at all that I could not donate to a young person. It only makes sense that my kidney is not brand new. I know how many beers, diet Cokes and coffee I ran through that thing!
I also know that more and more people are becoming educated about living donation and that donors will continue to increase. If I heard it once, I heard it at least 15 times from the nurses, aides and others at the hospital: "We are seeing more and more living donors who did not know their recipient."
Remember, if there are more kidneys in the game, there is less "rationing". Just imagine a game of musical chairs, but chairs are taken out AND added in, with everyone getting to play a lot longer.
Hang in there! I love you for reading and caring!
The current system for the kidney transplant waiting list is first come, first serve. This basically means that whoever is waiting for a kidney the longest, gets the kidney that comes along first. This is specifically related to deceased donor kidneys.
The new system that is under proposal right now would modify that system, making decisions about how one gets a kidney based more on age and the expectations of post transplant survival. That means that some people waiting a long time may not get a kidney when a person waiting a short time may get the kidney.
With the current system, there have been cases where young people received an "older" kidney, so they had a transplant that did not last very long and ended up back in line, back on dialysis, when that older kidney went kaput too soon. Those people would have been better served waiting longer in the first place for a younger kidney that would work for them for a long time.
On the other hand, older people waiting a long time, may receive a young kidney, under the current system, even though they would have been equally well served by receiving a kidney from a much older person.
If I had a young person in my life that needed a kidney, I would be very upset if some older person received one before they did, but at the same time, it is important for older people to get that transplant too. An older recipient is someone over fifty. Many people over fifty have similar life situations to someone half their age, like kids at home, a career and so on and certainly have many years to continue living.
Remember, this recent news is about deceased donor kidneys. Living donors can benefit all different groups, and especially people within their age range. It does not bother me at all that I could not donate to a young person. It only makes sense that my kidney is not brand new. I know how many beers, diet Cokes and coffee I ran through that thing!
I also know that more and more people are becoming educated about living donation and that donors will continue to increase. If I heard it once, I heard it at least 15 times from the nurses, aides and others at the hospital: "We are seeing more and more living donors who did not know their recipient."
Remember, if there are more kidneys in the game, there is less "rationing". Just imagine a game of musical chairs, but chairs are taken out AND added in, with everyone getting to play a lot longer.
Hang in there! I love you for reading and caring!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Unexpected
My Daughter Ren and My Recipient, Al
Dos cosas, as we say around here. 1. The unexpected is not tragic, so stop worrying! But I do want to talk about it! 2. If you are a hand wringer, whiner, pearl clutcher or big fat baby about the subject of racism, please do not read further. This is just real life and nothing to get too emotional about, but I know some of you cannot help but get hysterical if race is ever mentioned and for that I am sorry. Stop reading! (Maybe go watch cartoons.)
For those of you who do not know me, I feel compelled to tell you where I sit and where I stand: I am Plain White Vanilla, as you can see, by various photos of moi on the blog. However, my ancestry is quite diverse, including people from Three Continents and Not Everyone Was a Christian nor did all of them Come Here Because They Wanted To Come Here and Some Came in Chains. Some of them were in their wilderness and it became Mexico and then Texas. At one point, I had living relatives that were not white. All of those folks have gone on to the other side now.
I do have a Chinese daughter, as you can see above, and she is my relative and she is not white, but she is not my ancestor. My point being, though I look like an Uppity White Lady, (I am substituting Lady for The B Word, and you will see why in a minute) and I certainly have all the benefits of being UPL, I also have the benefit of having those relatives that were called all the ugly names, fled in fear, or knew the stories of those that were forced to come. I learned a lot about bigotry and prejudice from them, as they were mistreated and it did occasionally come up in their story telling. I do not recall any of them ever saying anything unkind about other people, and maybe they were just careful around little kids, especially me, since I had a big mouth and just loved to repeat things, but deep down I believe they were not bitter. I think they were happy and grateful people, regardless of all the harsh things they faced.
Having said all of that about my history as a member of the human race, I did not expect the subject of race to be part of this story. But as it turns out, it is and I did not know because I did not want to see it.
The first thing I ignored, was the several times that Al mentioned that he did not expect that he would receiving a kidney from a white person. I also noticed that Al's family, who is in and out of town, have never been around when I was around, which is not a big deal, but several times, he mentioned he wanted me to meet them and they never have been able to show up when we were visiting with him. I have a vague recollection of them outside my hospital room but not coming in, and when I asked Al if the nurses had sent them away or what had happened, he did appear a little nervous. And changed the subject. Finally he said "They figured you would not want to meet them."
Al even mentioned that there had been some concern amongst the friends and family that I might be an Uppity White B Word. I told Al, "Nothing wrong with that!" and we yucked it up and both said "I yam what I yam" in our Popeye voice....Many times it was mentioned how they speculated in dialysis about the donor. I did not get that they were speculating about race of the donor, even though he very specifically said that they teased him that the donor might be "a rapper". He also would mention how all the Mexicans hung together during dialysis, and how there were some white people that were very rude to the Mexicans.
Finally, I got it the other day when I asked him if I could post that picture of him on my blog and Facebook and he was quite thrilled about it, and thought it would be a lot of fun, and then thought about it, for a few minutes and said, "Your friends won't like me, when they see what I look like!" I thought he meant that his beard has grown in and he did not have in his false teeth or something, so I just told him that he did not know my friends, but they would love to see him.
A few miles down the road he said, "Your friends won't like it when they find out you donated a kidney to a spic." Holy cccccrap! I also my drove my van off the road!
1. None of my friends use that word.
2. If they did, they know better.
3. But main point is: No one would ever, in a million years, choose not to donate due to racial differences. I think if there was a donor that said they would only donate to another white person or person of the same race, the Transplant Coordinator Ladies would send that person packing!
Then he related how he was extremely fearful that I might cancel the whole plan, once I saw him and learned he was Native American. (Truth be told, I had been told he was by the TCL. It had all made sense to me because of my NA relatives.) His family was pretty much convinced that I would not go through with it because of the race issue.
However, after meeting me and hanging out with Mark, who is Pretty Much the Nicest Man in the World, while waiting for Al to go into his surgery, Al thought we might be okay with being friends with him. He always was hopeful that we could be friends.
He said that seeing Ren and how friendly she was to him, and knowing us better, he started to think he was pretty silly for worrying about the race issue. A real defining moment was when I told him that I had just heard that the Raiders football team name offended people because "Raiders" was another term for Native Americans. He had replied back "Why do you think all the Natives are Raiders fans? They like the term, but politically correct white people don't like it." He said that my reaction, which was to accept what he said without any argument or defense of "politically correct white people" made him realize that I was "laid back about this whole race thing."
He told me he has wasted a lot of time and energy hating white people. Who can blame the Native Americans, especially, for hating white people? Having said that, he is right that it is a waste of time and energy to hate anyone.
One thing people never mention about racism (maybe because we are all so busy trying to cover up the little areas of our life where racism creeps in) is that it hurts the racist too. More than can ever be measured, because we cannot measure all the potential lost that resulted in so many good things that never could happen.
If anyone is a racist and has not properly dealt with that hatred, then you can never fully move forward as a human being, because your spiritual life is stunted, your social life is boring, and your brain is stuck.
I was once in a church service where the pastor asked everyone to confess to the person sitting next to them, something that they struggled with every day. The woman next to me, looked me right in the eye and said "I hate white people." I told her that it hurt her a lot more than it hurt me, not to mention her relationship with God. I think that was a miracle that day, for both of us. (Honestly though, when they do "fun stuff" like that in church, I want to run away. The pastor literally called me out from the pulpit one time when they had announced it was an all prayer service,where everyone would pray out loud with those in the pews around them. He pointed at me and said "I just read that woman's lips:I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN BED.")
Being intolerant does not allow progress. On a global level, look at who wins the Nobel prizes and the countries that Never Ever Win Because They Are Stuck. You got it.
Al said he keeps telling his family that all of their fears are unfounded. He said that they believe I probably think I am better than them because I did this nice thing. He knows that is not true, but they do not believe him.
I told him that they probably feel bad that they could not donate and that is why they take all this negativity and assign it to this donation. It is unresolved grief. It is okay to be sad that it did not turn out how they hoped. I understand because I felt sad I could not donate to my friend because of all I had gone through (for nothing! is how I felt at the time) and also because my friend had to wait longer and do dialysis, and he and his wife had another month of stress, worry and sadness. It was a roller coaster, with varying speeds and heights for all the people involved.
But as it turns out, all is well that ends well. There are happy endings all around!
Al is leaving tomorrow. We went to say good bye to Al last night. He had a tough time saying good bye.
Today I was the one who had a tough time: When he said good bye on the phone today, he said "tell Mark and my Nieces goodbye, Sister!"
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Three Stories
I have three stories, in no particular order, about what others have taught me, told me and shared with me about living organ donation. I am not 100% certain of what the lessons are, but you will know what the lesson is for you....if there is one....
My first story happened to me before I donated. I was walking the halls in Unnamed Police Department when a woman I did not know approached me. She explained that she had heard that I had tested to donate a kidney and that I was not able to donate to my co-worker due to antigens not being well matched, and that she had been told I was just waiting to donate to a "stranger". (Very few people knew that I was still trying to donate, so I was a little puzzled she would know.) I told her that was true. (And did not ask her who spilled the beans to her in such great detail but I have my handful of suspects!)
She questioned me if I knew when I would donate or what would happen and I told her that I did not know.... She then said "There is something I have to tell you!" and she weeped; (there is a lot of crying in these stories) as she told me how she had signed up to donate to a friend and that the transplant team, which I surmised was not in Colorado, had told her right away that she was not a good match, because she had the wrong blood type. She said they never offered her the opportunity to donate to anyone else. I explained to her that I did not know how long the altruistic donor program existed, nor did I know if anyone would suggest it....there are different ethical considerations.
She said she had been bothered for a long time by what had happened. I told her she might want to try again. I asked her if she thought about calling a hospital's transplant donor coordinator, and explaining the situation, and see what happens. She just stood there with tears rolling down her face, shaking her head. She said that she did not think it would be that simple. I did not know what to say to her, other than I think if you feel compelled to donate, you might have to make some phone calls. She said she could not bear it if they were dismissive like the first transplant program. Yes, you can bear it and you can make them understand, and you can make a list of all the hospitals to call....or Living Kidney Donor types of supports....but no one else can do it for you! Sometimes the hardest thing can be to take the first step.
My next story is similar: I received a text message from a former co-worker from a job even before the Unnamed Police Department. He texted "Is it okay for me to call you right now?" I texted back "Y" (is that Yes or Why?) and he immediately called. After some teasing about his asking for permission to call, he said he was worried I might be "cold and mean" to him. I told him that was and is a huge problem, with me, but I thought he could take it, and he laughed and said "I am embarrassed about what I want to talk to you about". It seems that years ago, in another state, he had the experience where he tested for a relative and did not get chosen to be the donor, though he was able to donate in general. He did not know why he was not chosen to be the donor.
An interesting side note, as I kind of run around in this donation circle, I have heard of cases where someone that needs a kidney has multiple people test to donate a kidney and the donor is chosen but the transplant team does not exactly spell out why other donors were ruled out to anyone involved. Our team did tell me why I was not chosen but they did not tell the recipient why I was not a good match. (Of course I told everyone that cared to hear about the reason I was not chosen!) You may not have the right to know details about the recipient and the other would-be donors, but it never hurts to find out what you can about the situation so you can learn what you can and make decisions about going forward in your life.
In that case, they did ask him if he would consider being an altruistic donor and he said that his immediate reaction was a big, emphatic NO. But after a while, he wondered if he had made a mistake, and now, several years later, he thinks he should have donated.
He said there was no reason at all for him to hear about my donation or even that the person that told him would offer him my contact information, but he believes it happened for a reason. He said "This is all very strange!" and he began to cry. (I am a big fat crybaby but I was dropping my jaw that he was crying!) He said that he talked to his kids about being a living donor and none of them knew what to say. One of his kids even said "I do not think you are humanitarian enough to donate!" (We did kind of giggle over that comment, as that particular child practically needed an Exorcist or to be Re-Programmed by the Marine Corps at one point, but has come around to be quite "nice" and "normal" now, though, the occasional Blunt Remark remains.)
He asked me if I thought that he was crazy? I told him yes and no, but also told him that other people will think that he is crazy and a little weird. Part of the donation situation is that people will think you are weird. That is okay. I am a lotta weird, as is everyone else, once you get to know them!
"Lots of other people will need to support you if you do this now, but in the end, it's your deal...no one else can do it for you."
He said that when he heard I did it, he remembered how I was always so practical and sensible, and busy with a family, in his memory of our working together years, mentioning how I brought my lunch everyday, (always a sign of the down to earth) and that if I could do it, or would do it, it probably was not that difficult. I told him that was exactly right. You just have to keep going to the doctor, doing what you have to do, and keep thinking it will eventually happen.
My final story is about a dear friend that told me that the day of my surgery she decided to have tea at the Brown Palace and wait to hear from me when I woke up from the surgery. (It makes me happy to think that I have some classy friends and not just friends drinking beers over at the Biker Bar, though I love those friends too.) While she was waiting, another local socialite glamour queen joined her, (because they don't work, really, see, and can hang out drinking tea at Denver's Historical Landmarks) who knows me, but not very well. My buddy said that her friend told her that she just cannot imagine that anyone would donate to a stranger, that "the spouse" would allow it (there was even some mention of "Who Makes Dinner If Mama Donates"?) or that Laura, who is Not Exactly A Church Lady, (she quickly included that they both know I am a Christian, however) who makes a joke about everything...would do such a thing!
(Go back and try to say this in the half clenched classy lady way..."Lovey, I cannot even imagine who would make dinner for that DARLING FAMILY if Laura was down after THAT KIND OF SURGERY!")
Okay, they really do not talk that way(all that much)....but it is hilarious, Lovey!
She said she explained to Classy Lady Number Two how I tested for a friend and it had not worked out and so I kept trying to be a donor. Classy Lady Number Two thought it made sense, to go ahead and donate after all those tests.
( Clench Teeth like Mrs. Howell: "Once they take more blood from you than a chupacabra would, and put that Contrast Through Your System, Buffy, you might as well GO ALL THE WAY and just give them that kidney that you now have Color Photos Of!")
All right, all right, this is what she really said: "It is the most pragmatic thing in the world to give someone something they need so badly, but getting to the point of considering it, that is what is impossible for most of us."
That sums it up! BUT it is not impossible. It is not for everyone, or even most people, but it is not impossible, especially with the right kind of support, which is available. We can all stand on the side of people who need our support in anything they feel they are supposed to do, whether it is run for PTO or lose weight, or switch jobs. If there is one lesson I have learned, is that it is never okay to be a stealer of dreams or a robber of beliefs. (That is as fancy as it gets with the words around here. Relax.) Be the kind of friend, or spouse, or mom or dad that believes in people. Be that kind of friend to yourself.
If you are considering donating or have a friend or relative that is considering being a living donor, remember there are plenty of naysayers.... It is a subject we do not all automatically know everything about, and it is always scary to think about surgery and medical procedures. But not impossible!
Thank you beautiful friends for reading my blog. I love you!
http://www.kidney.org/transplantation/livingdonors/
My first story happened to me before I donated. I was walking the halls in Unnamed Police Department when a woman I did not know approached me. She explained that she had heard that I had tested to donate a kidney and that I was not able to donate to my co-worker due to antigens not being well matched, and that she had been told I was just waiting to donate to a "stranger". (Very few people knew that I was still trying to donate, so I was a little puzzled she would know.) I told her that was true. (And did not ask her who spilled the beans to her in such great detail but I have my handful of suspects!)
She questioned me if I knew when I would donate or what would happen and I told her that I did not know.... She then said "There is something I have to tell you!" and she weeped; (there is a lot of crying in these stories) as she told me how she had signed up to donate to a friend and that the transplant team, which I surmised was not in Colorado, had told her right away that she was not a good match, because she had the wrong blood type. She said they never offered her the opportunity to donate to anyone else. I explained to her that I did not know how long the altruistic donor program existed, nor did I know if anyone would suggest it....there are different ethical considerations.
She said she had been bothered for a long time by what had happened. I told her she might want to try again. I asked her if she thought about calling a hospital's transplant donor coordinator, and explaining the situation, and see what happens. She just stood there with tears rolling down her face, shaking her head. She said that she did not think it would be that simple. I did not know what to say to her, other than I think if you feel compelled to donate, you might have to make some phone calls. She said she could not bear it if they were dismissive like the first transplant program. Yes, you can bear it and you can make them understand, and you can make a list of all the hospitals to call....or Living Kidney Donor types of supports....but no one else can do it for you! Sometimes the hardest thing can be to take the first step.
My next story is similar: I received a text message from a former co-worker from a job even before the Unnamed Police Department. He texted "Is it okay for me to call you right now?" I texted back "Y" (is that Yes or Why?) and he immediately called. After some teasing about his asking for permission to call, he said he was worried I might be "cold and mean" to him. I told him that was and is a huge problem, with me, but I thought he could take it, and he laughed and said "I am embarrassed about what I want to talk to you about". It seems that years ago, in another state, he had the experience where he tested for a relative and did not get chosen to be the donor, though he was able to donate in general. He did not know why he was not chosen to be the donor.
An interesting side note, as I kind of run around in this donation circle, I have heard of cases where someone that needs a kidney has multiple people test to donate a kidney and the donor is chosen but the transplant team does not exactly spell out why other donors were ruled out to anyone involved. Our team did tell me why I was not chosen but they did not tell the recipient why I was not a good match. (Of course I told everyone that cared to hear about the reason I was not chosen!) You may not have the right to know details about the recipient and the other would-be donors, but it never hurts to find out what you can about the situation so you can learn what you can and make decisions about going forward in your life.
In that case, they did ask him if he would consider being an altruistic donor and he said that his immediate reaction was a big, emphatic NO. But after a while, he wondered if he had made a mistake, and now, several years later, he thinks he should have donated.
He said there was no reason at all for him to hear about my donation or even that the person that told him would offer him my contact information, but he believes it happened for a reason. He said "This is all very strange!" and he began to cry. (I am a big fat crybaby but I was dropping my jaw that he was crying!) He said that he talked to his kids about being a living donor and none of them knew what to say. One of his kids even said "I do not think you are humanitarian enough to donate!" (We did kind of giggle over that comment, as that particular child practically needed an Exorcist or to be Re-Programmed by the Marine Corps at one point, but has come around to be quite "nice" and "normal" now, though, the occasional Blunt Remark remains.)
He asked me if I thought that he was crazy? I told him yes and no, but also told him that other people will think that he is crazy and a little weird. Part of the donation situation is that people will think you are weird. That is okay. I am a lotta weird, as is everyone else, once you get to know them!
"Lots of other people will need to support you if you do this now, but in the end, it's your deal...no one else can do it for you."
He said that when he heard I did it, he remembered how I was always so practical and sensible, and busy with a family, in his memory of our working together years, mentioning how I brought my lunch everyday, (always a sign of the down to earth) and that if I could do it, or would do it, it probably was not that difficult. I told him that was exactly right. You just have to keep going to the doctor, doing what you have to do, and keep thinking it will eventually happen.
"Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can."
My final story is about a dear friend that told me that the day of my surgery she decided to have tea at the Brown Palace and wait to hear from me when I woke up from the surgery. (It makes me happy to think that I have some classy friends and not just friends drinking beers over at the Biker Bar, though I love those friends too.) While she was waiting, another local socialite glamour queen joined her, (because they don't work, really, see, and can hang out drinking tea at Denver's Historical Landmarks) who knows me, but not very well. My buddy said that her friend told her that she just cannot imagine that anyone would donate to a stranger, that "the spouse" would allow it (there was even some mention of "Who Makes Dinner If Mama Donates"?) or that Laura, who is Not Exactly A Church Lady, (she quickly included that they both know I am a Christian, however) who makes a joke about everything...would do such a thing!
(Go back and try to say this in the half clenched classy lady way..."Lovey, I cannot even imagine who would make dinner for that DARLING FAMILY if Laura was down after THAT KIND OF SURGERY!")
Okay, they really do not talk that way(all that much)....but it is hilarious, Lovey!
She said she explained to Classy Lady Number Two how I tested for a friend and it had not worked out and so I kept trying to be a donor. Classy Lady Number Two thought it made sense, to go ahead and donate after all those tests.
( Clench Teeth like Mrs. Howell: "Once they take more blood from you than a chupacabra would, and put that Contrast Through Your System, Buffy, you might as well GO ALL THE WAY and just give them that kidney that you now have Color Photos Of!")
All right, all right, this is what she really said: "It is the most pragmatic thing in the world to give someone something they need so badly, but getting to the point of considering it, that is what is impossible for most of us."
That sums it up! BUT it is not impossible. It is not for everyone, or even most people, but it is not impossible, especially with the right kind of support, which is available. We can all stand on the side of people who need our support in anything they feel they are supposed to do, whether it is run for PTO or lose weight, or switch jobs. If there is one lesson I have learned, is that it is never okay to be a stealer of dreams or a robber of beliefs. (That is as fancy as it gets with the words around here. Relax.) Be the kind of friend, or spouse, or mom or dad that believes in people. Be that kind of friend to yourself.
If you are considering donating or have a friend or relative that is considering being a living donor, remember there are plenty of naysayers.... It is a subject we do not all automatically know everything about, and it is always scary to think about surgery and medical procedures. But not impossible!
"Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you."
Thank you beautiful friends for reading my blog. I love you!
http://www.kidney.org/transplantation/livingdonors/
Thursday, February 10, 2011
More Burning Questions Answered!!!
You guys crack me up because you email me these questions and call me with questions and even corner me and ask me. It is so cool!
The number one question after "How are you doing?" (Very well, two weeks is a lot better than one week, which was not too bad) is "Did you lose any weight after you donated?" The truth is that I did not eat as much as I normally do for one week, and not working out and so on, so I did lose some weight, but I am sure it will come back very soon. I think the kidney only weighs like half a pound, if that, so that has nothing to do with it.
The second most frequently asked question is: "Do you feel different?" with some people wanting to know exactly about volume and pressure! No, you cannot tell you have one kidney after the surgery. There is soreness and odd feelings in the gut (probably from being moved around and dropped on the floor during surgery ..) but my experience has been that everything regarding kidney functions feels the exact same. (No, they really don't drop your guts on the floor but it kind of feels like it for a day or two after surgery.)
Another question I get is "What would have happened if you changed your mind?" You can change your mind, I would think, right until they put you under. However, I think once they tell the recipient that there is a donor, it would probably be next to impossible to change your mind, conscience wise. But if I had to change your mind at any point, I could have with no problem from the transplant team. The other question asked is if I thought of changing my mind: the answer is no, but I was going to tell them to take them to take me out of the pool once I had a job offer, but then I asked my new job what would happen if I had the opportunity to donate and they said go for it. Of course, I lucked out and the surgery happened before I started my job.
I also get asked if I can still drink, snowboard, fly (I never could fly, even with a broom) and so on. People with one kidney can do most things they did before except take Advil, Motrin, Aleve and all the other drugs in that family. That is kind of a drag, but you get used to Tylenol and the other stuff you can take.
If you play extreme sports, you should wear kidney protection, even if you have two kidneys!
A couple of people have asked me about my thoughts on donating blood, marrow, breast milk, eggs and on and on. I would be too afraid to donate part of my liver or my lungs. That is probably because I know next to nothing about it. I have donated blood, been on the marrow list, donated breast milk but not eggs. I think that it could be a great gift to someone to donate ovum but I would also think that was somehow my child running around out there. Even as an adoptive mom who gets what a "real" parent is, I still would wonder about "my" hatchling. I would be more likely to have donated my body to be a surrogate (I was very good at giving birth in like 20 minutes--I have Both Kinds of Kids) but only in a really perfect situation. I think it is a personal thing to donate in these ways, and I cannot judge what is right for others or come close to saying anything other than just an opinion!
A few people have asked me what would have happened if I did not like my recipient. I think that can happen but I also think that having faith that you will have whatever relationship you are supposed to have, and be thankful for that person, is probably a better approach. I feel very blessed that we do like each other and have similar views and thoughts and feelings. My daughter Ren gave him a magnet with some sort of a blessing on it. She told him she picked it out herself. He said "I know that your mother would have chosen something tacky". Absolutely! I wanted the magnet that said "Takes One To Know One" for him.
The number one question after "How are you doing?" (Very well, two weeks is a lot better than one week, which was not too bad) is "Did you lose any weight after you donated?" The truth is that I did not eat as much as I normally do for one week, and not working out and so on, so I did lose some weight, but I am sure it will come back very soon. I think the kidney only weighs like half a pound, if that, so that has nothing to do with it.
The second most frequently asked question is: "Do you feel different?" with some people wanting to know exactly about volume and pressure! No, you cannot tell you have one kidney after the surgery. There is soreness and odd feelings in the gut (probably from being moved around and dropped on the floor during surgery ..) but my experience has been that everything regarding kidney functions feels the exact same. (No, they really don't drop your guts on the floor but it kind of feels like it for a day or two after surgery.)
Another question I get is "What would have happened if you changed your mind?" You can change your mind, I would think, right until they put you under. However, I think once they tell the recipient that there is a donor, it would probably be next to impossible to change your mind, conscience wise. But if I had to change your mind at any point, I could have with no problem from the transplant team. The other question asked is if I thought of changing my mind: the answer is no, but I was going to tell them to take them to take me out of the pool once I had a job offer, but then I asked my new job what would happen if I had the opportunity to donate and they said go for it. Of course, I lucked out and the surgery happened before I started my job.
I also get asked if I can still drink, snowboard, fly (I never could fly, even with a broom) and so on. People with one kidney can do most things they did before except take Advil, Motrin, Aleve and all the other drugs in that family. That is kind of a drag, but you get used to Tylenol and the other stuff you can take.
If you play extreme sports, you should wear kidney protection, even if you have two kidneys!
A couple of people have asked me about my thoughts on donating blood, marrow, breast milk, eggs and on and on. I would be too afraid to donate part of my liver or my lungs. That is probably because I know next to nothing about it. I have donated blood, been on the marrow list, donated breast milk but not eggs. I think that it could be a great gift to someone to donate ovum but I would also think that was somehow my child running around out there. Even as an adoptive mom who gets what a "real" parent is, I still would wonder about "my" hatchling. I would be more likely to have donated my body to be a surrogate (I was very good at giving birth in like 20 minutes--I have Both Kinds of Kids) but only in a really perfect situation. I think it is a personal thing to donate in these ways, and I cannot judge what is right for others or come close to saying anything other than just an opinion!
A few people have asked me what would have happened if I did not like my recipient. I think that can happen but I also think that having faith that you will have whatever relationship you are supposed to have, and be thankful for that person, is probably a better approach. I feel very blessed that we do like each other and have similar views and thoughts and feelings. My daughter Ren gave him a magnet with some sort of a blessing on it. She told him she picked it out herself. He said "I know that your mother would have chosen something tacky". Absolutely! I wanted the magnet that said "Takes One To Know One" for him.
Monday, February 7, 2011
The Legend of the Starfish
It is the custom for the founder of the Living Kidney Donors Network to send a starfish to a kidney donor. That really made my day!
I talked to Albert on my drive home today (yes, I am driving and chatting with just one kidney) and he is doing great and out of the hospital.
Thank you for being such good friends. Here is to finding lots of starfish and throwing them gently back into the sea.
| "Once upon a time there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He As he got closer he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?" The young man paused, looked up and replied, "Throwing starfish in the ocean." "I guess I should have asked, why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?" "The sun is up, and the tide is going out, and if I don't throw them in they'll die." "But, young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach, and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!" The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves and said, "It made a difference for that one." " |
Saturday, February 5, 2011
No Wimps!
We went to see Albert tonight. He commented that since the weather has been so bad in Denver this week, hardly anyone has come to see him. He said he was surprised we made it in the snow today. I asked him why in the world would he think I was a wimp? Eye roll!
Albert has not been able to eat his favorite food (guacamole) for six years. The doctors say he can have it now, but no one at the hospital can get it for him. His relatives keep forgetting. It was our honor to bring over guacamole tonight and a big bag of unsalted tortilla chips since he needs to keep his diet low sodium.
He looks like he is about 20 years younger. Despite us begging him not to, he managed to pull up his shirt and show us his scar. HUGE! But I can tell it is healing well.
Later he commented that all of his friends ask him about me and almost always say something along the lines that they bet I am a very nice lady (think Pollyanna-ish) and they imagine he has to be really careful what he says! He said one sister advised him NOT to meet the donor, because obviously the donor types are not going to be happy with someone like him.
He said they are all surprised when he tells them that I was a big smart aleck...and that I did not blink an eye about swearing...
Well, hell no.
He waited until Mark was out of the room to say that all of his friends tease him that he has to pee sitting down now. Even one of the on call physicians teased him about having a woman's kidney!
He said he did not want to say it in front of Mark because he knew Mark was a nice guy, but he knew I would get a big kick out of it. I told him that most "boys" with little imaginations would make that joke and we must come up with a good come back! He said, "that is why I am telling you, lady! "
I am so glad to see him doing so well.
I am brainstorming on that come back too. The first one that came to mind has to do with saying "No, but I have multiple...." Oh, NEVER mind!
"No, but I can multi task"....."No, but I am matching my shoes and belt now",
"No, but I have noticed I do not go to dialysis anymore..."
Albert has not been able to eat his favorite food (guacamole) for six years. The doctors say he can have it now, but no one at the hospital can get it for him. His relatives keep forgetting. It was our honor to bring over guacamole tonight and a big bag of unsalted tortilla chips since he needs to keep his diet low sodium.
He looks like he is about 20 years younger. Despite us begging him not to, he managed to pull up his shirt and show us his scar. HUGE! But I can tell it is healing well.
Later he commented that all of his friends ask him about me and almost always say something along the lines that they bet I am a very nice lady (think Pollyanna-ish) and they imagine he has to be really careful what he says! He said one sister advised him NOT to meet the donor, because obviously the donor types are not going to be happy with someone like him.
He said they are all surprised when he tells them that I was a big smart aleck...and that I did not blink an eye about swearing...
Well, hell no.
He waited until Mark was out of the room to say that all of his friends tease him that he has to pee sitting down now. Even one of the on call physicians teased him about having a woman's kidney!
He said he did not want to say it in front of Mark because he knew Mark was a nice guy, but he knew I would get a big kick out of it. I told him that most "boys" with little imaginations would make that joke and we must come up with a good come back! He said, "that is why I am telling you, lady! "
I am so glad to see him doing so well.
I am brainstorming on that come back too. The first one that came to mind has to do with saying "No, but I have multiple...." Oh, NEVER mind!
"No, but I can multi task"....."No, but I am matching my shoes and belt now",
"No, but I have noticed I do not go to dialysis anymore..."
Friday, February 4, 2011
Article from Unnamed Police Department
This is the article I was telling you about!
Crime Analyst Honors Detective With Donation!
By Danny Veith
You may recall, in the July 2010 issue of POWER, the piece I wrote concerning Detective Ed David’s need for a kidney. In that issue I discussed Ed’s need for an O+ donor, then guessed 500 Denver PD officers must be O+. I wrote how Ed needed a donor who was not overweight, hypertensive, diabetic, or had a family history of kidney disease (thus whittling the eligible officers down to maybe 100). My hope was these hundred officers would contact Porter Hospital, go through the testing, and maybe 10 would be identified as near perfect matches. My dream, in that issue of POWER, involved Ed getting a kidney in addition to 9 others on the waiting list. Wouldn’t it be great, I thought, if Ed received a kidney, got better, followed by 9 others, and all in his honor!
Upon reading my article last July, a DPD civilian, Crime Analyst Laura Altobelli, contacted Porter Hospital and began the process to donate a kidney to Ed. Laura subjected herself to blood work, an EKG, chest x-ray, and CT scan, in addition to interviews and exams by the transplant nurse coordinator, a psychologist, surgeon, nephrologist, and dietician.
The Porter Transplant Center eventually convened a panel to identify the best donor match for Detective Ed David. Laura was not selected. Undeterred, Laura informed the transplant center she
wanted to be retained as a donor candidate. In the weeks that followed, the center attempted to match Laura with several people on the kidney waiting list. Then in January, Laura was informed of a match and a surgery date was set!
Laura Altobelli
So my wish for 9 people (on a kidney waiting list) receiving a kidney in honor of Detective Ed David has been reduced now to 8 because of Laura.
All my thoughts from last summer are now eclipsed by Laura’s new designation: “Good Samaritan Donor!” Also known as an “Altruistic Donor,” this type of donation involves giving to someone who is not so well known to you, or even a stranger.
Obviously we all need healthy kidneys to survive. Our kidneys control the amount of water in our body and filter urea and other wastes into urine. High blood pressure (hypertension) and diabetes
can lead to kidney failure. And others endure disease, such as polycystic kidney disease - or “PKD” - as was the case with Detective Ed David.
At any given time, there are about 55,000 people on a list for a new kidney. While waiting on the list, most end up on dialysis and about 3,000 die each year. There are about 14,000 kidney transplants performed each year. Two thirds of these transplants involve deceased (cadaver) donors; the remaining one third are from living donors.
When a person receives a kidney from a living donor, there is no waiting period (and dialysis can be avoided). Patients who receive a kidney from a living donor, without having to first begin dialysis, almost always fare better. Living donation also allows the donor and recipient to schedule surgery at a convenient time. And a kidney, from a living donor, works sooner and better, and lasts longer than a kidney from a deceased person.
With all the benefits of living donation, you can see why the majority of living donors are made up of family members and close friends. But Laura Altobelli is the exception, that is she donated to a
stranger, and that’s what makes altruistic or Good Samaritan donation so special! There are about 1350 people in Colorado awaiting a kidney. Based on the 2010 Census, there are just over 5 million people living in Colorado. If less than 1% of our state’s population became a living donor, Colorado’s waiting list would end. If just a handful of Coloradoans followed Laura’s example, the need for suffering and being chained to a dialysis machine would be a thing of the past for our citizens enduring kidney failure.
So in Detective Ed David’s honor, and because of Laura Altobelli’s extraordinary gift, a Colorado citizen from the Grand Junction area has a new lease on life! On Monday, January 24th, Laura had a chance to briefly meet with him, followed by a telephone conversation. Albert is 56 years old, a Native American, and served in the military during the final years of the Vietnam war. He told Laura the reality of finally receiving a kidney (to get him off of dialysis and to return to the person he was before kidney failure) is as exciting to him as when his son was born.
The surgery took place the following day, on January 25th, and was successful. Laura’s right kidney kicked in immediately, allowing Albert to begin his journey to health and independence. Laura was able to go home the following day on her road to recovery.
Sadly, Laura recently accepted a job with the State, so she will not be returning to DPD. But in addition to all her positive contributions to DPD, and the friends she made here, Laura will be remembered as a Samaritan Donor!
Thanks, Laura, for honoring Ed in such a special way and being a great example to us all!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Me So Tired
Just a quick note to say that Albert is doing much better. I think he will be out of the hospital soon. He does not want to go back to the rental house, but all the way home to Grand Junction. He is very homesick.
I have not been to see him, because the commute this week has been about three times longer than normal, so by the time I get home, its already pushing 6 or 7. I am a tired little bunny, or would be, if I pushed much harder.
Keep praying! He says he knows that everyone is praying for him.
Best wishes for a very happy new year! My little Ren is a rabbit, and just had her birthday yesterday. We had a nice celebration.
I have not been to see him, because the commute this week has been about three times longer than normal, so by the time I get home, its already pushing 6 or 7. I am a tired little bunny, or would be, if I pushed much harder.
Keep praying! He says he knows that everyone is praying for him.
Best wishes for a very happy new year! My little Ren is a rabbit, and just had her birthday yesterday. We had a nice celebration.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Good, Bad and Ugly
Disclaimer: I am not a big fan of describing things as good or bad...lots of times we are too short sighted to know if something is good or bad...and I am a weirdo that thinks too much BUT there is so much going on right now! There are certainly some things that I am hoping will change and some things I am very grateful about...
Today was my first day back at work, at a new job. It was also below zero this morning. I will let you in on a little secret: we do not get much below zero malarkey here in the Mile High City. It is not the frozen tundra up here; as a matter of fact, we have over 300 sunshine days a year and our climate is High Desert. Just because we live here does not mean we like, prepare for, or can cope with this HIDEOUS cold!
Someone had relieved my coat pockets (two coats searched) of their gloves. I have the winning practice of placing a pair of those dollar fifty Target gloves in every coat I own, including hoodies. Nada. I am sure this same special someone is the person that relieved my car of its Deluxe Scraper Brush. (To be fair, Mark had a spare one ready for me. I know I am not parking underground at my new job and will possibly need to Brush and Scrape before I can go home.) So I was crabbing about the No Gloves Situation, The Cold and Not Clear on What Hot Drink To Bring. (No taste for coffee since the surgery, and the taste for tea is not quite back yet, either)
My car started right up (garage parked) and was On Empty. The same special someone that may have Stolen All of My Gloves, also Still has My Debit Card Since She Needed it to Deposit/Cash her Paycheck on Saturday. I entertained paranoid fantasies that I could not get any gas, in any fashion, due to the extreme cold and other payment options suddenly being unavailable.
I stopped to get gas (it was negative 10) and all went well. Except it was so cold that it made my coat crackle.
I arrived at work 10 minutes early.
Work was great. Like it's a miracle kind of a great. I still miss my old job. Grieving that loss a little bit.
I went to the hospital to get my one week post-op labs done. The Lab Guy, who is my buddy, and who has told me all his secrets, told me one about Albert today. He said that my recipient was struggling. I knew that Albert was going on for some more tests, but Lab Guy made it sound a lot more serious. He said he is sure they can help him, but that Albert's body is fighting the kidney. It is up to the transplant team to figure out the right drug combinations, and they have to keep him in the hospital to do that. Lab Guy kept repeating that there was nothing to worry about, but it does worry me. I cannot imagine how terrified Albert must be, even though he does not let on.
Next, I went upstairs to see all the Transplant Coordinator Ladies (3) and all is well. I am doing great. I even lost 5 pounds since surgery, though I still look like I am pregnant. The surgeon rolled his eyes at my many layers (long underwear etc) but said that my healing was going well and my scars looked great! All of my levels in my blood and urine were just fine. BP fine.
One of the TCL recommended that I really think about being part of the donor movement. I think that will happen.
I talked to an old friend from highschool on the phone. She has a 6 month old baby girl. I miss my friend a lot and wish I could go see her, not to mention the baby. It might be a while with my new job.
I had an email from my friends at Unnamed Police Department. The donor for Arnold wrote an article about my donation to Albert. That was pretty cool! He got everything exactly right!
My family, as always, was happy to see me and full of stories.
I called Albert, because I was worried about him and he talked a long, long time. I think he is lonely in the hospital. His people have had to go back home and reinforcements have not arrived. He and I found out that we both have participated in a sweat lodge with Wallace Black Elk. I do not ever talk about my sweat lodge experience, but as soon as he mentioned it, all of those memories came flooding back. He said that he wished Wallace was still around to help him, and maybe smudge his little rental house when he gets out of the hospital. I told him that I am sure we can find someone to do that. (I smudge my own house from time to time.) We talked about how we were both Christians too.
I guess that is it. I am posting a picture of my belly, one week post op that my 10 year old daughter took last night. I am still very swollen, but so much better. I hardly have any pain at all. There are three little holes for the laporoscopic tools and the incision at the bottom for the kidney. The red marks by the holes are where they clamped the skin, I think! And yes, sharp eyed friends, that is a Free Bonfils shirt I have on. Bonfils has left me two messages that I missed my blood donation this time. : )
If you are the praying kind, you know what to do.
Today was my first day back at work, at a new job. It was also below zero this morning. I will let you in on a little secret: we do not get much below zero malarkey here in the Mile High City. It is not the frozen tundra up here; as a matter of fact, we have over 300 sunshine days a year and our climate is High Desert. Just because we live here does not mean we like, prepare for, or can cope with this HIDEOUS cold!
Someone had relieved my coat pockets (two coats searched) of their gloves. I have the winning practice of placing a pair of those dollar fifty Target gloves in every coat I own, including hoodies. Nada. I am sure this same special someone is the person that relieved my car of its Deluxe Scraper Brush. (To be fair, Mark had a spare one ready for me. I know I am not parking underground at my new job and will possibly need to Brush and Scrape before I can go home.) So I was crabbing about the No Gloves Situation, The Cold and Not Clear on What Hot Drink To Bring. (No taste for coffee since the surgery, and the taste for tea is not quite back yet, either)
My car started right up (garage parked) and was On Empty. The same special someone that may have Stolen All of My Gloves, also Still has My Debit Card Since She Needed it to Deposit/Cash her Paycheck on Saturday. I entertained paranoid fantasies that I could not get any gas, in any fashion, due to the extreme cold and other payment options suddenly being unavailable.
I stopped to get gas (it was negative 10) and all went well. Except it was so cold that it made my coat crackle.
I arrived at work 10 minutes early.
Work was great. Like it's a miracle kind of a great. I still miss my old job. Grieving that loss a little bit.
I went to the hospital to get my one week post-op labs done. The Lab Guy, who is my buddy, and who has told me all his secrets, told me one about Albert today. He said that my recipient was struggling. I knew that Albert was going on for some more tests, but Lab Guy made it sound a lot more serious. He said he is sure they can help him, but that Albert's body is fighting the kidney. It is up to the transplant team to figure out the right drug combinations, and they have to keep him in the hospital to do that. Lab Guy kept repeating that there was nothing to worry about, but it does worry me. I cannot imagine how terrified Albert must be, even though he does not let on.
Next, I went upstairs to see all the Transplant Coordinator Ladies (3) and all is well. I am doing great. I even lost 5 pounds since surgery, though I still look like I am pregnant. The surgeon rolled his eyes at my many layers (long underwear etc) but said that my healing was going well and my scars looked great! All of my levels in my blood and urine were just fine. BP fine.
One of the TCL recommended that I really think about being part of the donor movement. I think that will happen.
I talked to an old friend from highschool on the phone. She has a 6 month old baby girl. I miss my friend a lot and wish I could go see her, not to mention the baby. It might be a while with my new job.
I had an email from my friends at Unnamed Police Department. The donor for Arnold wrote an article about my donation to Albert. That was pretty cool! He got everything exactly right!
My family, as always, was happy to see me and full of stories.
I called Albert, because I was worried about him and he talked a long, long time. I think he is lonely in the hospital. His people have had to go back home and reinforcements have not arrived. He and I found out that we both have participated in a sweat lodge with Wallace Black Elk. I do not ever talk about my sweat lodge experience, but as soon as he mentioned it, all of those memories came flooding back. He said that he wished Wallace was still around to help him, and maybe smudge his little rental house when he gets out of the hospital. I told him that I am sure we can find someone to do that. (I smudge my own house from time to time.) We talked about how we were both Christians too.
Wallace Black Elk
If you are the praying kind, you know what to do.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
What About Your Own Kids?
Regarding my husband: Mark did not want to think about me suffering. He never mentioned his own suffering or any of his own needs that might not be met during this process. He has been 100% supportive and understanding in his typical down to earth way.
One friend made such an impassioned little speech that I think she forgot for a minute, that it was ME she was talking to. Me who knows the risks, who is careful to a fault and is very safe and healthy in all my practices!
Yes, the testing takes away some days off when I could have been (in theory) with the kids. And this week, I was gone for two whole days and a night, though I was along for the ride to replace a tail light today (18 year old daughter: "I am totally scared to go to Jiffy Lube without you or Mark there!") and earlier this week was able to give a rousing lecture (repeat performance) on the concept of "Why it is not nice when someone gives an inch to take a mile" to my 10 year old. I have listened to all of them for hours this week, as I have been a very captive audience. (I may not remember much of what was said those first few days post-op!)
I am sure my son, who was home from college when the surgery took place (yes, six long weeks off at Christmas break) was not exactly thrilled to have to be in the same zip code for the whole situation, but I doubt it damaged him too much.
In regards to my own health, I realize there are always risks with surgery. I also realize that having one kidney is slightly less optimal than having two kidneys, though it does not make much difference in the lives of most people who donate.
I will be careful of my remaining kidney, just as I was careful of both of them for the past 44 years. As a crime analyst who read literally thousands of assault reports over the years, I would give you the rough estimate of kidney injuries being about ten times rarer than brain bleeds. Your body does a good job of keeping those kidneys protected, but your old melon is out in the open most of the time. I promise to wear my seat belt always, just like I always have!
I think the important thing to consider is that we all have the right to take some risks with our bodies, and we do almost every day. Some of us have taken other risks like going to third world countries, eating out on a regular basis, and running or walking in the dark!
The chances of my kids needing a kidney from me in the future are not great. There is no kidney disease in our family.
Many women leave their families to their own devices so that mom can participate in mission trips, girl trips, business trips, retreats and family reunions. This can be a good thing for all involved. Mom being away may not be top choice for kids, but it is part of growing up and part of the growing process. My mom used to go on vacation with her cousins when I was growing up and I was never happy about it, but I think it set a good example for me, of my mom taking care of herself, of having other interests, and of nurturing relationships with people that may not live very close by.
The bottom line was for me that once I went through all the testing for Arnold, who certainly deserved a new lease on life, I was not a good match, and I hung around until they found a good match, who turned out to be a stranger. My kids, all three of them, have asked me why I kept trying and I told them that the people that I see at the hospital, who are waiting for a kidney, all seem to be pretty deserving too, like the college kid from Denver University, and the lady farmer from Fruita, and everyone else who joked around with me while we waited to get our blood work done. Some of the joking was along the lines of "Please just give me your kidney, right now!" The right thing for me to do, was to stick with it.
My recipient, Albert, told me that he asked all the people, kind of on the sly, at the hospital, at the lab, and at the transplant team, if they could describe me in one word. He said that all of them said "She is very determined" or "She is very stubborn". Bravo! What a good answer for him to hear!
I think that my kids would say the same about me too.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Home Again Home Again Tacky Tacky
I will admit that I was not quite ready to leave the hospital on Wednesday. I was feeling pretty good until I took a Percocet at about 1 PM and then I felt like I was going to throw up and or pass out. (Also, can I mention here how much one's throat hurts after being intubated and how impossible it is to take a Horse Pill, with no coating or anything? HELLO PEOPLE!)
I could barely function at all after I took that Percocet. Around 2:30 they sent in the social worker to rough me up along the lines that if I wanted to sleep, I needed to sleep at home, and if I wanted to go home I needed to get moving. (I had been walking a lot prior to that and had used the toilet several times and eaten and so on.) I explained to her that it was the Percocet that was making me feel ill and that I wanted a prescription for Vicodin to go home on, because I have had Vicodin and it is okay. I needed a little time for the Percocet to go away. She said I could have another Percocet now if I wanted, (note, as long as I can remember to tell them, I will NEVER TAKE PERCOCET AGAIN) or I could certainly Wait To Hear Back From the Doctor. I told her I was not going to risk throwing up in the car, after abdominal surgery (all this said in my high and squeaky post-op intubated voice.) She left.
So then they do all these tests on me to see how my BP is laying down, sitting down, standing up and I just repeated, like a broken record, that I was nauseous from the Percocet and I did not want to go home with a Percocet prescription and that I would go home when I felt like I was not going to barf. My blood pressure was just fine.
Finally at four, I went home. The surgeon called in a prescription for Vicodin to our pharmacy. I had earlier said I was happy to go home on POT (Plain Old Tylenol) if they could not figure out the Vicodin request.
I will not even go into the abject refusal to find a wheel chair by our nurse. Okay, I will. I am sure she was really busy, and it probably is not her job. You cannot walk out, you have to use a wheel chair but it is not the RN's job or the Aid (who is kind of like the CEO over there) to get the wheel chair. "You need to find a volunteer!" Okay, so are we dumping someone out of a wheel chair? Is that our volunteer? I did not get the "find the volunteer" strategy. Eventually, Mark did find one, and she was really nice and explained that no one likes to wheel people out, but they have to be wheeled out. The reason the volunteers don't like it is because they don't like to stand there and get cold while people get their car. Doesn't it all pay the same? Also, I bet the patient loves freezing their butt off too. Maybe waiting around in the foyer is better?
Regardless, I felt instantly better once I was in the car. This reminds me of a daschund I used to house sit as a teenager that would act sick and not eat but be all happy happy joy joy once she was in the car. I felt just like Noodles once I was in that car!
I hustled right up the stairs when I got home (Mark was shocked) and laid down in the bedroom. Forrest, my 19 year old, hung out with me while he was stringing his lacrosse head. Soon it was like a parade of all three kids, Mark, and the animals.
I decided to sleep downstairs in our study because we have one of those fabulous couches with a Recliner on Each End. This is handy because you can sleep in the recliner position or on the couch position. I was still having a hard time with the CO2 moving up in my shoulders and my lungs feeling weird, so the recliner came in handy.
My ten year old was very determined to sleep with me in the study. I explained to her that I would be up and down all night long and that she needed her rest for school. Finally, I gave in and told her she could sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor. We watched a movie, "Peter Pan" (which is a very politically incorrect movie by today's standards, no?) and "slept" with her on the floor, me on the couch, with the cat right on top of me. Yes, it does hurt like hell when the cat crosses the incision. I tried to protect myself but she is relentless wanting to be right on me. Locking her out is not an option. You understand this if you have had a Siamese kitty.
I probably went to the bathroom about once an hour, at least, because all the fluids I was pumped up with for surgery were working their way out. Every time I had to tell the cat how sorry I was, and dump her off my big bloated CO2 belly, hobble to the bathroom, come back, get situated again, and start to sleep.
A word about the dog. I have a chow mix. She is a Zuni-Rez special, straight from the Zuni Rez. (That is a whole other story.) She is the best dog ever. However, she reserves the right to be a little bit aloof if I leave her overnight. So that first night she would come in and snort around but was still mad at me for leaving her. She slept in her usual spot which is on the landing, until everyone comes home, and then she sleeps in the upstairs hallway.
I called the transplant team on Thursday because I was worried about urinating so much and also that it seemed a little cloudy. This was a danger sign to call about immediately. They still have not called me back yet. (Saturday) I know I should have kept calling but it seems to have straightened out.
The next night we had the same arrangement: Ren on the floor, me on the couch, but dog on the floor, (we had several submit and forgive moments the day before involving belly rubs, chicken jerky treats and love pats) and cat on my stomach. Now I was apologizing to kitty, stepping over either the dog, or Ren, and hitting the bathroom about every hour again. Sigh. At 3 AM the dog needed to go out. I let her out and sat awake waiting for her and she surprised me by asking to be let in the front door, and presented me with a big dirt encrusted joint bone she had dug up somewhere. That was a special moment and someone still needs to vacuum up that mess.
During the day I tried to do a lap around the downstairs, or go up and down the stairs every time I went to the bathroom. I am still drinking a lot of water, Gatorade, water etc. Yesterday I took a nap in my own bed, for the first time, laying flat and on my side, and it was just fine. I have had this strange migraine-y headache since surgery, and when I woke up from that nap, it was finally gone. I still have that migraine hung over feeling. I have not had much pain. I am taking my Vicodin when I go to bed at night. The worst pain is from all the stuff they have to do to get to the kidney, like the anesthesia and the intubation.
Mark and I had to sign some paperwork yesterday and I felt fine to go. I took my first real shower, gross, I know, and when I finally took off all my clothes, I still had leads stuck to me from the surgery. I cannot tell you how many times I have scratched those places and not gotten that there was a foreign object stuck to me.
I am getting better every day. Two people that have long been in the Laura Show have joked that now I have a place to put my cell phone, in regards to the kidney void. It still hurts to laugh. My family is so funny, they all make me laugh.
My recipient Albert also makes me laugh. We talked on the phone last night, he is getting out today to go to a little rental place near the hospital. That is a great thing!
Big thanks to Mark, the kiddos, the pets and yes, even the nurses, and doctors, even though I say tacky things about them, for helping me through all this! Like I have said before, it takes a village to donate a kidney!
I could barely function at all after I took that Percocet. Around 2:30 they sent in the social worker to rough me up along the lines that if I wanted to sleep, I needed to sleep at home, and if I wanted to go home I needed to get moving. (I had been walking a lot prior to that and had used the toilet several times and eaten and so on.) I explained to her that it was the Percocet that was making me feel ill and that I wanted a prescription for Vicodin to go home on, because I have had Vicodin and it is okay. I needed a little time for the Percocet to go away. She said I could have another Percocet now if I wanted, (note, as long as I can remember to tell them, I will NEVER TAKE PERCOCET AGAIN) or I could certainly Wait To Hear Back From the Doctor. I told her I was not going to risk throwing up in the car, after abdominal surgery (all this said in my high and squeaky post-op intubated voice.) She left.
So then they do all these tests on me to see how my BP is laying down, sitting down, standing up and I just repeated, like a broken record, that I was nauseous from the Percocet and I did not want to go home with a Percocet prescription and that I would go home when I felt like I was not going to barf. My blood pressure was just fine.
Finally at four, I went home. The surgeon called in a prescription for Vicodin to our pharmacy. I had earlier said I was happy to go home on POT (Plain Old Tylenol) if they could not figure out the Vicodin request.
I will not even go into the abject refusal to find a wheel chair by our nurse. Okay, I will. I am sure she was really busy, and it probably is not her job. You cannot walk out, you have to use a wheel chair but it is not the RN's job or the Aid (who is kind of like the CEO over there) to get the wheel chair. "You need to find a volunteer!" Okay, so are we dumping someone out of a wheel chair? Is that our volunteer? I did not get the "find the volunteer" strategy. Eventually, Mark did find one, and she was really nice and explained that no one likes to wheel people out, but they have to be wheeled out. The reason the volunteers don't like it is because they don't like to stand there and get cold while people get their car. Doesn't it all pay the same? Also, I bet the patient loves freezing their butt off too. Maybe waiting around in the foyer is better?
Regardless, I felt instantly better once I was in the car. This reminds me of a daschund I used to house sit as a teenager that would act sick and not eat but be all happy happy joy joy once she was in the car. I felt just like Noodles once I was in that car!
I hustled right up the stairs when I got home (Mark was shocked) and laid down in the bedroom. Forrest, my 19 year old, hung out with me while he was stringing his lacrosse head. Soon it was like a parade of all three kids, Mark, and the animals.
I decided to sleep downstairs in our study because we have one of those fabulous couches with a Recliner on Each End. This is handy because you can sleep in the recliner position or on the couch position. I was still having a hard time with the CO2 moving up in my shoulders and my lungs feeling weird, so the recliner came in handy.
My ten year old was very determined to sleep with me in the study. I explained to her that I would be up and down all night long and that she needed her rest for school. Finally, I gave in and told her she could sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor. We watched a movie, "Peter Pan" (which is a very politically incorrect movie by today's standards, no?) and "slept" with her on the floor, me on the couch, with the cat right on top of me. Yes, it does hurt like hell when the cat crosses the incision. I tried to protect myself but she is relentless wanting to be right on me. Locking her out is not an option. You understand this if you have had a Siamese kitty.
I probably went to the bathroom about once an hour, at least, because all the fluids I was pumped up with for surgery were working their way out. Every time I had to tell the cat how sorry I was, and dump her off my big bloated CO2 belly, hobble to the bathroom, come back, get situated again, and start to sleep.
A word about the dog. I have a chow mix. She is a Zuni-Rez special, straight from the Zuni Rez. (That is a whole other story.) She is the best dog ever. However, she reserves the right to be a little bit aloof if I leave her overnight. So that first night she would come in and snort around but was still mad at me for leaving her. She slept in her usual spot which is on the landing, until everyone comes home, and then she sleeps in the upstairs hallway.
I called the transplant team on Thursday because I was worried about urinating so much and also that it seemed a little cloudy. This was a danger sign to call about immediately. They still have not called me back yet. (Saturday) I know I should have kept calling but it seems to have straightened out.
The next night we had the same arrangement: Ren on the floor, me on the couch, but dog on the floor, (we had several submit and forgive moments the day before involving belly rubs, chicken jerky treats and love pats) and cat on my stomach. Now I was apologizing to kitty, stepping over either the dog, or Ren, and hitting the bathroom about every hour again. Sigh. At 3 AM the dog needed to go out. I let her out and sat awake waiting for her and she surprised me by asking to be let in the front door, and presented me with a big dirt encrusted joint bone she had dug up somewhere. That was a special moment and someone still needs to vacuum up that mess.
During the day I tried to do a lap around the downstairs, or go up and down the stairs every time I went to the bathroom. I am still drinking a lot of water, Gatorade, water etc. Yesterday I took a nap in my own bed, for the first time, laying flat and on my side, and it was just fine. I have had this strange migraine-y headache since surgery, and when I woke up from that nap, it was finally gone. I still have that migraine hung over feeling. I have not had much pain. I am taking my Vicodin when I go to bed at night. The worst pain is from all the stuff they have to do to get to the kidney, like the anesthesia and the intubation.
Mark and I had to sign some paperwork yesterday and I felt fine to go. I took my first real shower, gross, I know, and when I finally took off all my clothes, I still had leads stuck to me from the surgery. I cannot tell you how many times I have scratched those places and not gotten that there was a foreign object stuck to me.
My recipient Albert also makes me laugh. We talked on the phone last night, he is getting out today to go to a little rental place near the hospital. That is a great thing!
Big thanks to Mark, the kiddos, the pets and yes, even the nurses, and doctors, even though I say tacky things about them, for helping me through all this! Like I have said before, it takes a village to donate a kidney!
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